In the past, tomorrow has just been a day following on from the one that has gone before, and earlier this year, with feelings of being on a never ending rollercoaster that I couldn't control, change or get off, I couldn't see past the day that I was in. It's only been within the recent months, that I have started to be able to see tomorrows as days full of opportunities for new starts.
Looking back, I was stuck on a negative path emotionally and my mental bucket was at capacity for a variety of reasons. It didn't take much to push me over the edge and if felt like I spent more time in tears than not. They weren't even tears that gave a release. They just made my mood and mental state feel worse. I knew I needed to make a change and I also knew I needed to start small in order to succeed.
I started by considering a task that I have used with many individuals work - Circle of Control. I needed to start by listing and making very small changes to things that I was fully in control of. Things like...drinking more water, swapping to decaf coffees and teas, using a vitamin C serum every night, exercising to meet the needs of my body rather than what I felt I should be doing. Small changes, that over time have become habits and ones that helped me to feel physically better.
Because I felt better in my body, I also started to feel there was more space in my emotional bucket, giving me room to concentrate on the deeper rooted reasons for my low wellbeing and mental state - those things that are out of my control. Things I didn't, and still don't find easy to accept and change my mindset towards.
I was struggling with the inability to accept factors that were out of my control, mostly to do with other peoples' way of working and outlooks on life. Peoples' differing commitment and focus towards their work. and differences in peoples' decision making and prioritising within both a work and family environment.
It was a feeling that was alien to me, as I have never really pondered or worried over things that don't match my way of thinking or working, and I've always been able to find a path forwards. I'd give thoughts about why, a courteous nod and then move on. But for some reason, at this point in my life, I wasn't able to let go and move on. I found myself stuck with the same thoughts day in day out and the mental load was just too much.
I needed to make changes to my approach to tomorrows, for the sake of my mental health and wellbeing. I needed to make conscious efforts to plan and follow through on thoughts and changes, no matter how small. And now, things ARE starting to happen more habitually....not all yet subconsciously, but I'm working on that!
I had to work hard to find ways to help myself overcome these feelings. I upped the yoga, breathwork and mindfulness I was doing and made an effort to complete some guided meditation each week to help me box those thoughts and let them pass. I also focused my mind on my future career goals and enrolled on some short courses to help keep my mind in a positive space, seeing myself making small steps each week towards future plans.
Tomorrow is a blank page, a new start, and I intend to be fully in control of what is written. I want to live in best quality of health I possibly can, and for me at the moment, that means I have to work at re-framing my view of factors that are and aren't within my control. My next step will be looking at factors that I can influence and consider ways in which I can move forward to continue to support my wellbeing. What will yours be?
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